no name

Hello all once again, live from my computer.
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Lots of issues to pour through once again so glue your rear end to your chair and crack out the chocolatey-chip cookies and milk. Then, digest a modest 185 g bag of Sour Patch Kids, available at Wal-Mart for $1.59. Do it, do it now, and don’t question me ever again.

So why are we still behind schedule in our society for full implementation of automatic doors to enter washrooms? How this is not a priority of our local, provincial and federal governments I do not know. If there is no appetite in the respective budgets for a conversion, at least remove all doors outside washrooms. Fire codes be damned: We don’t need no doors, let the motherf*cker burn!

If this is still not deemed realistic, at least install hand-sanitizing stations outside washrooms that have the nice smelling foam cleaner.

How is my iphone going you wonder?

Pretty good, pretty pretty pretty good. I quite enjoy itunes and have spent over 50 bucks so far. I like the surfing the web from all areas of the apt with my wi-fi. The device is fast, sleek and absent of too many wrinkles. It would be nice to have a separate volume for the ringer and text/e-mail alerts however. Even with my old phone I was able to achieve this. It results in me setting the phone to vibrate at work, since I like to have a loud ringer for at home. If I didn’t set it to vibrate at work I’d have to constantly adjust the ringer volume.

I should go on the record and say that I think my iphone could be haunted. I’ll explain. I was texting friend Sunny and then put my phone into pocket and went to washroom. When I came out and sat back down I got the vibration signalling a text. However, when I checked my phone it was not a received message, rather it was text that was put into my compose box directed for Sunny. Never have been more confused in my life. Here is what it said in exact words:

“Call the extended hours for me not Smitty I don’t want to tweet do not want a threesome is going to let me know about that”

What the hell is this I do not know? I am not making this stuff up



Well after seeing my yogourt disappear from two different stores (first Food Basics, then its sister store Metro), I have given up on Astro Balkan Style Original Plain Yogourt. I briefly moved on to Liberté Greek Fruit on the Bottom, as I could get 8 for a reasonable 6.99. However, in the end I think I will make a full conversion to Yop, the drinkable yogourt. Another two grocery items that can not be found in stores anymore are the chocolate covered smores bars made by Quaker (they have caramel and chocolate chip that are chocolate covered but not smores) and the Hot version of Tostitos Salsa.

I am really impressed with McDonalds lately. I always liked them growing up, and then for a few years when I discovered pizza pizza, we drifted apart. The food is not special but it has a certain homely, consistent and oily flavour that I take to. I have really taken a shine to them in the last couple of years, mostly due to their coffee line offering and their ability to offer value in a tight economic reality that many individuals and families face. Offering wi-fi and renovating the interiors with leather seats and fireplaces doesn’t hurt. I am looking forward to getting the Cadbury Crème Egg McFlurry. I will only need a small though since I consider a large McFlurry akin to killing yourself off slowly.

I don’t like newer-model cars that have big blue headlights that overpower my eyes. Overkill.

Below are some youtube video links of people flipping out. One is the OC driver, the others are some memorable sports coaches.


We need little smart cards to load money on that can be read by cellphones to pay off friends. Alternatively, we could deposit money from our phone to someone else’s phone. Should be doable. This is ideal in awkward group meal situations when bills start coming and we have either shared food or shared the bill. Cash is not feasible anymore for this and never was much as the right denomination of bills and coins often eludes us.


As the pending budget is soon to arrive, with looming cuts to the public services, this is an opportunity for me to reflect and realize that I don’t really take advantage of my office jobs one bit. I don’t surf the net, I have minimal chit chat with people in my office and I do not take dumps ever, which consume a quarter of an hour to half an hour depending on the size of the animal you have to slay. All this makes me a pretty good office worker.

I think I need to get myself an unlocked GSM phone so I can take it to the states if need be and just to have a spare phone around. Wouldn’t be a bad idea. It would be my future travelling phone as well. It is also important to have a trash number that you don’t care receives telemarketing calls or what not, yet at the same time you can access the messages in case it turns out to be something worthwhile. ON the otherhand, if you have a good, unpolluted number, keep it safe and secure and only share to friends and family.



I am no longer opposed to fluoride mouthwash. It is good stuff I suppose although it may rot out your brain. The trade-off is that your teeth are not rotten.


I have been joking for a few months now about how someone at PC Mastercard must have missed a meeting since everyone around me has the new credit cards with the chip, which requires entering a pin. As the months and years dragged on (this was implemented maybe 2 years ago), I started feeling left out and frustrated whenever buying something, since most merchants had switched over their pay terminals and were expecting cards with a chip. Myself and the cashier would usually argue and debate whether I was doing it right since when they saw me with a swiping intention with my card, they’d interject, claiming I was doing it wrong. At last, I made a call to PC and they mailed me out one. So it turns out that someone didn’t miss a meeting after all; it was simply a case of my last expiration occurred just before the roll-out of the chip program. I would have received one at the end of 2012 regardless.

A new issue on my radar is that all these Chinese made shoes and winter boots come at a cost. It seems that it is not uncommon for the dye on the inside of the show to leach to white and other light-coloured socks. This has destroyed my socks but fortunately I was due to buy some new ones anyway. To avoid this, I could either avoid China boots, spray the inside with sealer, or buy dark socks and not care what happens. Have not decided yet.

Every so often I get an explosion of energy where I feel like talking and doing stuff. This happened for 20 minutes when I picked up Mark from the airport. Not coincidentally, this was also on the same evening where I had coffee. This encourages me to look into feasibility of making coffee at home in small batches (1 or 2 cups) and drinking it. I may even get a coffee grinder.

Hands up if you knew that comptroller is the Canadian equivalent to controller. How silly that this distinction exists.

At long last, I reveal to you, the faithful readers a list of movie franchises to avoid. There is no better way to piss away time then watching series’ of movies where the sequels never stop and there is always a plan to add a movie through a prequel, sequel, or reboot.

-Lord of the Rings

-Harry Potter

-Chronicles of Narnia

-Twilight

-Final Destination

-Resident Evil

-Transformers

-Indiana Jones

-Paranormal Activity

-Saw

-Fast and Furious

-Shrek

-Spiderman (both Toby Mcguire and upcoming Andrew Garfield)

-Bourne Legacy

-X-men

-Mission Impossible

-Underworld


I have noticed a quasi-disturbing trend where some men don’t like to do things in pairs with another guy. They always try to involve other people or something so as to not have it just be two people doing something. I dunno, perhaps these individuals are insecure about some matters in their life. If they are doing something 1 on 1, they feel as if it is a date? I am all for the bromance! When it is a group dynamic I find myself drifting off after the first couple of hours of the evening as I figure other ppl will pick up slack and some of the conversation bores me.


I could use a spittoon in my office. It would make our offices feel like a good old Western saloon.


Never has it been more depressing eating lunch. The cafs at work really have given up and so I am trekking over to a place nearby. It was annoying in the winter but better months are ahead. Anyway I just find there are mostly unhealthy options around work and the value is bad. Since when is processed meat bad for your health?

For the first time in, well…ever the squash court was taken a few weeks ago when I went down at 11. I figured 11 was a safe time on a weeknight. I was incorrect. I heard two male voices, with one person saying “Game Set Match”. I have no idea if this is what is said in a squash game but those words sounded golden to me. I merely went back up to my unit and came back down in 20 minutes.

Ogdensburg continues to inspire and reward me, both in that order. I made another weekend trip to get a couple of things from Amazon as well as vanilla coke and some other items. I filled up on gas despite the price per gallon going to 3.97. Here is a perfect case I’d make to kids on why they need to understand math. If we know that 3.89 L goes into 1 U.S. gallon, we can figure out which side of the border it is cheaper to buy gas and buy how much. Now if you haven’t been under a rock for the past few years, you would well know that gas in the States is cheaper, but the question is, by what margin. At what point do you reach the break-even point?

Price in Ottawa – 1.24 per L

Price in Ogdensburg – 3.97 per gallon


Assuming parity between the loonie and greenback, and taking the conversion above, we multiply 3.89 by 1.24 (price in Ottawa) to get the Ottawa price per gallon. We then multiply this by the amount expected to be purchased (by gallon). We multiply 3.97 (price in Ogdensburg) by the amount expected to be purchased (by gallon). Subtract one from the other and you get your total savings. Please note this does not factor in the conversion of currency done by your credit card (2.5%) nor the bridge tolls (2.75 each way).

Anyway, as I said I picked up some Amazon stuff. Beware that even if you select ship items together, Amazon screwed me by sending the two items separately thus making me incur and extra cost when picking them up at the UPS store.

I passed some good time in Oggie, did my rounds at Price Chopper, Wal-Mart, Walgreens and the last but most rewarding stop, McDonalds. Oh how I love sitting in there with a big coffee and eating some French fries and then donuts I bought at Price Chopper. Nursing that coffee and people watching is a delightful combination.


I am strongly considering the need to fire my pants. What the hell does this mean you wonder? Well firing one’s pants is just a cool way to say I no longer want them and will replace them with more amenable pants. Both my grey chinos from Eddie Bauer and my blue Rocca Wear jeans really are tight on the ass, belly and crotch and should be removed from my apparel. But it is not just the tightness persay that bothers me; it is the phenomenon that happens when one sits down with tight pants with shallow pockets. The result is that the pants ride up and whatever is in the pocket can fall out. I nearly almost lost my toothpicks and I will not risk that again. I will look for cargo pants I guess if those are still sold. I know the fashion trend was about 10 years for them. So yes I will fire my pants and interview for some new ones.

I recently went to the movies and was disappointed to see they had raised the price to $7.99 on Tuesday. Even worse was the concession prices continue to climb to insane levels. 5.99 for nachos and faux cheese I can probably handle but $3.19 for a bottle of water? No thanks, Eff off. So I drank in three different interludes water from the water fountain near the john. This was refreshing and I thank Cineplex for not being so greedy as to rip out their fountain. They have no legal obligation to provide a water fountain though. I wonder if it would cause a stir if I were to show up at the theatre with my own bottle of water. I have gone in with a coffee before with no issues but this could be allowed only because no coffee is sold there. But what about a bottle of mineral water? They don’t have that. Could I use this justification?

But back to the price increases. Is this justified? Is the theatre really squeezed by the movie studios in Hollywood for a profit. And how is it done? Do the theatres have to remit a percentage from each ticket sale or do they pay a lump sum to buy the film reel (or rent it for a period)? A great mystery in life.


Chicken Noodle Soup with no chicken? Is this allowed. The caf and food place near work has been offering this up. Don’t get me wrong: the broth is delicious but me want some chicken pieces too.


I think this is what I need to live in. Just rent a spot on someone’s lawn and run an extension cord to their house. I could even put it close to an express bus route.

Nothing like a novel of my life

This blog entry has been in the making for a long, long, long time and I credit my friend J Biz in TO for encouraging me to continue posting my bulls hit stories and idiosyncrasies. So if there ever was a dedication on a blog – as there is in books and film – this is it. Thanks brother.

Now, given that it has been around 14 months since my last entry, you may want to put on a pot of coffee and take ‘er easy. Of course don’t drink so much coffee that the end result is a ‘bathroom incident.’ Just you know, relax, kick off your shoes, put your feet up and enjoy the hilarity, or weirdness…I don’t care what you call it. By the way, I am offering a good tip here for any occasion where you need to shut someone down if they are railing on you for any number of things: tardiness, declining an invitation, peer pressure etc. You simply respond, “uhhh uhh (clearing throat), there was a bathroom incident.” (see below youtube clip)

So where did I go for the past while? Have I been bottling up all this insidious rage inside me, just waiting for an opportunity to join the nearest Mixed Martial Arts gym? Not exactly, no. The truth is I have been expressing a lot of my thoughts in sort of agenda-like forum discussions with my friend sunny at our lunch time meetings. I believe that has come to an end however (not our lunches but just the idea of writing up an agenda) and I am once again looking at a therapeutic medium to release various thoughts, ideas and yes, my good ally, the idiosyncrasy. Now, I can’t promise exactly that these blog postings will contain as much private and confidential material as the 1 on 1 sunny lunches, but it should still prove to be stimulating reading, right? Please agree to that last part in order to continue, as part of your consent form.

First, allow me to say I have no idea which direction my life will take in three different avenues – marriage, work, and travel. All three of these variables could be very much in play in the coming years for good, bad, and wild. This of course contradicts the 30 year plan my Ma had for me and preaches about on a weekly basis. One must be a free spirit, however, and I cannot bow to the pressures of suburban living, 30 year job security, sensible safe travels and the like. Where is the adventure, the spontaneity, the gumption? I mean, damnit, without these, you might as well put me in the sleeper hold (first WWF reference of blog post) and choke me out.


Utterly miscellaneous:

-I find it annoying when I try to combine a request with a statement. Observe the following:
“Would it be possible to forward this inquiry to her as I do not have her e-mail.”
Now, what do I do here for punctuation? The question part is at the beginning, so would a question mark at the end make sense? And for you smart cookies that say to use a semi-colon, well you can just go fly a big old kite.

-I have an inelastic demand for the following items in life: coca-cola, bananas, and my Rogers services (internet, cable)

-I enjoy cds from artists such as Steve Tyrell, Phil Collins, Enya. So what, big whoop, wanna fight about it?

-In my job, when I have to write to outside clients that are women, I never put Ms. or Mrs. and just use their first name. For men, however, I sometimes put Mr. instead of their first name. Truth is I don’t want to offend women by putting Ms. (offends the single spinster who always wanted to marry but for some reason it didn’t happen) or Mrs. (single spinster who is a serious feminist and says death to men, I don’t need a husband). Can’t really win one way or another.

-At work, I now say merci and not thanks when people hold doors for me or let me go first. I figure I am covered either way.

-I find there aren’t enough bars or places where you can go and relax and have a quiet drink. Most places are full of idiots or the tables are so close together. Downtown I expect this, but in the suburbs where rent is lower, I’d expect some quiet time.

-Things to think about before having kids. You got to have these two decisions nailed down before the kids arrive. At what age do they stop wearing sweat pants and cheap clothing and get to look respectable (much to the demise of your bank account btw)? And at what age are they given cellphones? Don’t come talk to me about the little sandwich grabbers until those things are squared away.

-I am glad I bought three things this year: my new camel Dockers winter parka, the iphone, and snow tires, which have made driving a whole lot easier in winter. Sorry pa, I got to say this is one case where I am glad I didn’t listen. For more on the iphone purchase, see below, or stop reading now and live a cursed existence, aha.

-Two interesting websites I have found recently are 123people.ca and ratemyemployer.ca. Now while the latter is self-explanatory, the first was a real eye opener. This website will assimilate all the crap on the internet that has ever come of your meagre existence. Just type in the person’s name and cue the ‘Are you Afraid of the Dark’ theme music. This stuff has letters that I have wrote to the newspaper years ago…

-How do permutation/combinations work. For you math people, this harkens back to the days of ‘Finite Math’, which ceased to exist in that name following the OAC year. Where this applies is my curiosity about how safe 4 digit pins are. Ie. If you have dust and went around blowing this on garage door openers and some phones, could you figure out the code? Depends I guess on how much time the criminal has. I hope there is a sufficient amount of combinations that it is nearly impossible.

-P.S. I am well aware that the pro-wrestling industry’s premier company is now WWE, and not WWF. But I just don’t like animals enough to give the default WWF to the World Wildlife Fund.

-I continue to make quarterly trips to Ogdensburg, NY, where things just work and life is good. Recent success stories include a few cds and a nose/ear hair trimmer shipped from Amazon, as well as my usual gorging at the local McDonalds and donuts at Price Chopper grocery store. I mean, the UPS store was even closed when I went, but the guy saw me from inside and unlocked it and went to get my packages. Nice folks.

-How much importance do you place on manners and civility in society. I myself place a large emphasis on this and can be seen on the town being generally helpful and kind to people. One bad interaction can ruin my day, however. For those people who insist on being goons, they should be pushed, or at very least, spoken to.

-I find my neighbourhood humorous. The scuz level is unmistakeable but this adds to the charm of the neighbourhood as the people are generally harmless. It isn’t like the old Vanier, Byward Market area where your safety and property are compromised. With my neighborhood you just sit back and enjoy the ride. The people can be quite friendly as well. Two stores are the epitome of this character. One is Loblaws at Carlingwood Mall where the lessons of capitalism and economics seem lost on them. They actually are the only grocery store I know that has rails on the outside of the store so you cannot take a shopping cart to your car. Hmmm what does this engender? Well the answer is light shopping loads, which translates to less revenue for the store. “ NO no, don’t buy too much now. You’ll have to carry whatever you bought from the door to your car.” This isn’t NYC either. People brought their dang cars to the store to do some shopping! The other store is the Metro/Wal-Mart which is a unique combination of stores that share the same rental space – an old style mall with an inside, as opposed to the new age street-front malls that discourage loitering and other public mischief. Of course I like me some loitering, so you can assume I am not a fan of this new architecture.

-My new office is quite cool to the touch and I mean this literally, and not figuratively. They are not heating it too well. The bathroom is the most frigid place, next to outside. It is like the Port Authority. So to my amazement, I sometimes arrive at a sink to find that the person before me has set the switch to all cold, rather than all hot. This person should be tracked down.


Now back to the meat and potatoes of this blog posting. I bought a god d amn, effin’ iphone. What do you think of that? After many months or grueling research and pestering of my M, my bro-in-law I finally pulled the trigger. No word yet if I can expect Telus to screw me on the bill. So far so good. Anyway, I enjoy the phone quite a bit and factor in that I am only using like 10% of its capable features, and it was a good move. Soon, I will get my itunes on, and maybe even my desktop comp on from Apple as well. I actually feel richer with the phone, which is maybe a snobby thing to say, but that’s what apple users are, let’s face it. We are a bunch of fan boys running amok in a hoity-toity society.

I find a big calamity of modern living and communications is that there is too much info out there and not enough time. I enjoy listening to podcasts of cfra news (‘The Chatroom’) and Tvo news (‘The Agenda’) and even though they have removed the commercials, it is hard getting through a combined 10 shows a week. Factor in e-mail, texting and sports columns, along with local news and issues, and one barely has enough time to show up at work. I basically need to set limits and cut things out of my daily routine.On this topic, I find that many people cope by not replying to e-mails and I for one do not intend to take this path. Unfortunately, 2011 was a real bad year for ratio of e-mail sent to received, and 2012 is not going well either. I blame Sunny for this mostly.

So I hear that a trade organization is recommending that service staff in restaurants and the like receive greater tips; they want people to move from a 15% average to 20%. I wonder if this will gain traction and if it does, are we set to collapse as a society? Do people have the extra cash prepared to start spending more money on food. I mean, people are now borrowing 1.5 x their disposable income. Just recognize that a tipping increase to 20% would represent a rise in living standards for servers. They want a bigger slice of the pie since higher menu prices already reflect a cost of living allowance increase.

Now for a fun activity. How do you allocate your national budget these days? You really should have one, you know. And it’s too bad if you haven’t laid it out like I have done. I present below my 2012 national budget!

2012 will be a year of rationing on some items and splurging on others. While 2011 saw some financial flexibility for experimentation of many different hygiene products, 2012 will see a more even-tempered allocation for this dept. I have more or less learned what I like, what works etc. I speak of things such as shampoos, gum, moisturizer, soap, sunscreen, toothpaste.

2012 will see significant expenditures on travel and we should expect to see this show up in the income statement towards the end of the year, crossing over into 2013

2012 will see a rather steady amount allocated to food and restaurant expenditures, keeping in line with the amounts forecast and realized in previous years. McDonalds, Loblaws, Metro and Wal-Mart will be key drivers.

2012 continues to see constant spending allocated to transportation, as my monthly car payments continue until April of 2013. This is the epitome of a fixed cost.

2012 has seen a slight increase in monthly telecom fees, as Rogers has upped their rates $2 a piece for cable and internet, which is acceptable. Most notable, however, is the acquisition of the iphone, which carries with it a $50 monthly plan before tax. This could jump to $58 if I am not able to renew the free caller ID feature in 2013. Negotiations for a new contract on this particular clause will begin later this year when I call Telus. In any event, I was paying a combined $44 with my PC mobile and Bell home phone line, both of which are at the end of their terms.

While in 2011 I underwent some moderate spending on boots, coats and summer clothes, in 2012, I will be looking at investing in some quality pants (Eddie Bauer hopefully if they have the right fits and sizing and colours) that are versatile and most importantly comfortable. Who wants to wear tight-ass pants that chafe the crotch? Not I.

2012 could see some variation in housing expenses, depending on whether I stay at Ambleside or find a more posh domicile whether that be in a townhome in suburbs or a condo/apt more central.

2012 will be a year for investing in technology. It could see a new desktop computer, new speakers and if the lodging changes, a possible violation of the personal contract established with the 27 inch CRT Panasonic TV. This is unlikely though, as it would be prudent to align some other pieces in the budget before acquiring such a large ticket item.2012 will continue to have a small petty cash account for pharmaceutical aids such as aspirin, Tylenol, sinus medication etc. No large cash outlays expected.


That is all. So long all.